7:41 pm - 26.08.2005
I don't know...it's 2:59 am.
It's 2:59 am.
Logically, one should think I should be in bed but I can't because I'm annoyed because the pirate didn't tell me he was leaving. He just disappeared. Had he told me goodnight...I would've been in bed. Asleep or watching a movie, happy.
Now I'm just annoyed.
Lina's right...I don't make sense when I'm pissed off. "Giver" by Lois Lowry , a book in which the society has no sense of feelings, color, or variety (they call it sameness, i call it an addictive way of 1/2 living but still maybe sometimes better) would be better right about now. Then I wouldn't pissed off or annoyed that I'm still up. It was through a friend, Jamesha, that I had to find...he was on bnet playing Dota. He's a gamer but if he was going to go he should've just told me. I don't want to stalk him.
Maybe it's because of my fucked up sense of how I see GAIM conversations as telephone calls. Worse because I don't get to hear voices but sometimes better depending on how quick the response comes. Maybe I shouldn't. It'd be easier. Then when Nate-sama leaves I won't have to feel guilty when I don't come back. I just thought he was because he had come before every twenty minutes. I should just assumed (but that has gotten me in trouble before...) that he was going to play when the downstairs computer had to be started. He says he'll call tomorrow.
I wonder if he will.
The phone bill (house or cell for that matter) is too big because of me...stupid long-distance number....and I should contribute to the $89 dollars of my talking. Yes, I know the number's huge. Yes I know it's my fault. I shouldn't do that right? But most of the calls are after 9 when my minutes are free on my cell phone which is still gone annoyingly enough. It's mostly because of the pictures I sent to my e-mail for facebook. I need a camera. That'd be better, yes? Maybe? Either that or I should pay for it by myself....
It's that or the fact that my mom was all teary-eyed when she looked at the table and noticed that my brother was gone especially after she realized after I pointed out that in a week it'll be just two girls and not 3, with a boy. I call before I sleep to let her know and my brother didn't or doesn't yet. Maybe that's the real reason I wanted to leave before him. The aftermath is scary That and she said the most bitter truth:
Her kids are growing up.
That's me. My childhood is going to go poof. My wings are going to have to expand and someday it'll be me, more than ever (parents still pay for housing and tuition), doing everything for me. See, now that's scary.
I think I want to enter that Giver wonderworld right about now and dream(something I can't do) because apparently according to the pirate I don't sleep right. It's true...I think. Watch me sleep, angels. Maybe then the thoughts will go and the feelings as well along with the pissed off annoyance.
I need to hug something.
*grabs JuJuB*
Hmm....
(02:49:09) Azriel: anywho...Jazie's dead...full blast
(02:49:36) vegigun: huh?
(02:52:37) Azriel: tired
(02:52:55) Azriel: don't want to think or get annoyed or be dramatic
(02:53:00) Azriel: nothing much...
(02:53:01) Azriel: *smiles*
(02:53:35) vegigun: *massages the vampress's wings*
(02:55:24) Azriel: I'll be fine
(02:55:32) Azriel: the Vampress, my good Sire, always is
(02:55:38) Azriel: but now, she needs sleep
(02:55:52) vegigun: sleep well beautiful
(02:56:02) Azriel: I'll try
(02:56:04) vegigun: may your dreams be as wonderful as you are
(02:56:13) Azriel: If only I dreamed
Two hours after he disappears (it's 3:22 now) he reappears. How convienant. Exactly when I wanted to sleep. Hahahaha. At least I disappear with a goodnight kiss from the pirate (wait, he doesn't believe in online ones...) or the words "love you". Hahahah. Nope, not even that.
I'll just look forward to a call from a hippie who will make my night remarkable. Let's go that concert and follow it with hookah. I'm going to need it.
